I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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