yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
