I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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