Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize