she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
