i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize