found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
