I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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