508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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