You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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