her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
