By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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