We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
