Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
