Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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