he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
