Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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