No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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