So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
