my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
