just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
