Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
