Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
