Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize