I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
