haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
