can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
