Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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