Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
