Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
