If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize