your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize