If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
