Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
