so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
