Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
