god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
