She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
