Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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