whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who died my cat blue again?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
