final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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