Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
