I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
