So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
