My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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