SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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