If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
