We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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