the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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