ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
