this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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