I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
