I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
