I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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