she was so not down for the gang bang
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
