i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
