One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
