my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
