I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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