Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
