WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
