how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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