Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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