He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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