The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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