I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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