Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think i have herpe
just one?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
