then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
