grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
