Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
